This week I got to yap with a Chocolate Labrador, one of the friendliest pooches I’ve ever met. When me and my assistant got to his house, he was in the side yard with his Mom. He came right up to us for the Wag-and-Sniff, very confident, even though he was still pretty young, not quite 2.
“Hi, Mr. Bonzo. I’m Jackson Maximilian Pape. Some humans call me Action Jackson ‘cuz I love to run around and PLAY! This is my Mommy, Julie. She said I should be sure to Do My Duty before you got here so I wouldn’t have to interrupt the interview. Anyway, we can go inside now ‘cuz I’m all done.”
“That is some name you’ve got there, Jackson,” I commented.
“I know, isn’t it great? I picked it myself. Mommy tried a few others on me first, though. She suggested Manny, but I totally ignored it. Thenn, if you can believe it, she tried Curious George. Well, that was a big no, fer sure. Then, we asked some neighbor kids I play with. Their Mommy reads ’em Dr. Seuss, so they thought I should be called Mr. Brown, from a book they love called ‘Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?’ But I was afraid I’d have to learn to moo, which, no offense to cows, I would never do! Finally, Mommy came up with Jackson. It was perfect! And she added Maximilian because I’m so fabulous, she says.”
“Well, it suits you,” I agreed. He did have a terrific personality, mellow, with lotsa charm. Good looking poocheroo, too. Spiffy red collar. Chocolate eyes to match his coat. Real buff. If he were a human, he’d probably run for office.
“So, tell me your story.”
“I was born in Punxsutawney, PA. And, guess what! So was my Forever Mommy. When I was there, I got to meet a big celebrity. Have you ever heard of Punxsutawney Phil?”
“He’s that famous groundhog, right? Who, like, predicts spring?”
“Yep. Has a whole day named after him. He’s a pretty cool dude. Sorta grouchy, tho. He told me its ‘cuz he likes to sleep in and every year these silly humans in funny hats, and a whole bunch of reporters and photographers, wake him up really early so he can tell ’em when spring’s coming. He always tells ‘um to just watch the Weather Channel like he does, but they still keep doin’ all the Big Hoop-la.
“Anyway, back to me. I’m Mommy’s first dog. Out of our litter, she narrowed it down to me and my brother. The kennel lady said she’d sell him at a Special Low Low Rate cuz one leg was shorter than the other, but Mommy still picked me. We rode all the way back to her house in Maryland with four human cousins, they were still puppies, too, so it was really fun. Well, me and Mommy really hit it off. I loved her and Maryland right away. They both smelled really nice.”
“Then, one day, she said we’re movin’ to Florida to house-sit for some Snowbirds. I wondered how we could fit in a birdhouse, then I found out Snowbirds are just humans who have two houses. Now we’re here for good, and I get to run on the beach and chase birds. Did’ja ever do that? Isn’t it so fun?”
“I do, and it is!” I told him.
“I also go for leash walks with Mommy, but I can’t always keep up.”
Say what? In my experience, it was usually the other way round.
“See, Mommy is a marathon runner, and she runs very, very far. Once in Boston, there were zillions of humans in a marathon and I wanted to enter with her. That was before I knew how long it was. Lucky for me, dogs weren’t allowed. Now I go to the Vero Dog Park. I have tons of dog buddies there. When I arrive, they all run over, ‘cuz they know we’re gonna play! Mommy made a little towel to wipe my face when I drool, and all the humans there think it’s Cool Dog Biscuits, cuz there’s a lot of drooling at the Dog Park. So I figure we should make a bunch of ’em and put the Dog Park name on ’em and sell ’em to make money for the Dog Park and us, too. See, I feel I should help Mom with our family responsibilities.”
“That’s a super cool idea,” I told him, then remarked how much I liked the rakish little hat he’d had on earlier. Looked like one of those Hawaiian shirts.
“Thanks. I love dressing up. I have outfits for every holiday.” He showed me a bunch of pictures. “Hats, glasses, bow ties, coats. Doesn’t bother me a bit, cuz, Mommy says, I’m ‘secure in my masculinity.’ ”
“Whaddya do when you’re home?”
“Oh, just hang out with Mommy. When she’s out, I watch videos. For sleepin’, I just graduated from my crate to the sofa. And I have a bunch of stuffed toys. I tear ’em apart and Mommy sews ’em back together. Yesterday I sucked the nose right off my teddy bear.
“But I think my favorite time of all is when me and Mommy go to the beach in the morning and take selfies of the sunrise. That’s the Best!”
Heading home, I thought about Jackson’s costumes. Not every guy pooch could wear pink heart sunnies or a babuska and not look like a Total Doof. But Jackson rocked ’em all!
Till next time,
The Bonz
