I hope your Christmas was pawsome! Mine was! For my final column of 2014, I interviewed a couple of pets of the feline persuasion. I KNOW, right? But I believe, especially at this time of year, we should embrace all species.
We’re pretty much alike under the fur and feathers: We want a human to love, someplace snuggly to sleep, yummy food and a nice place to play. This past year, I’m proud to say, I’ve learned to control my Cats-are-for-Chasing instincts – mostly.
Jasper and Bruno Faust’s house was trimmed for Christmas, top to bottom. Jasper and their human Mom, Cat (can you believe that?), greeted me at the door. Bruno was snoozing in a chair.
“Hi, Mr. Bonzo!” Jasper said. “Wow! I can’t believe we get to be your last interview of the year! I got so excited when Mom told us, I almost knocked the tree over! Here, you can sit on this rug. You’re the first dog we ever officially met, but I’m not scared. Mom said it’d be OK.”
“Absolutely!” I told him. “No worries. It’s a post-species era, in my book.”
I plopped myself down and Jasper jumped into his Mom’s lap. Bruno was still sleeping. They were slender little shorthairs, Bruno sort of orangy-fawn, Jasper a little darker orange. Both had white trim, pointy ears and really long tails. They were about 2 and looked like brothers but weren’t.
“So, how’d you guys get your forever family?” I asked.
“To tell you the truth, Mr. Bonzo, our Dad, Adam, was totally NOT a Cat Person. At All! But Mom and my human sis, Sophie, really wanted another cat, after their other cat went to that Big Sandbox in the Sky. Dad said absolutely, positively NO MORE CATS! PERIOD!”
So Mom and Sis decided to go to the Humane Society just to browse.
“A bunch of us were in the visitors’ lounge meeting some humans and trying to be irresistible. I spotted Sis and something told me to make my move. I did my best Loud-Purring-and-Leg-Rubbing bit. She picked me up and I knew I’d found my human.”
Jasper leaped off his Mom’s lap and onto Bruno’s chair. “Hey, dork boy, wake up! You’re missing the interview! Tell Mr. Bonzo about when Mom and Sis got us.”
Bruno sat straight up and shook his head. “Oh, sorry. Man, that was some fine catnip. Well, I remember I was having a little snooze – it was over at the humane society. I woke up and Mom was scratching my head and rubbing my ears. Well, long story short, by the time mom and sis left, they’d signed papers, and me and Jasper had our forever home. They were supposed to pick us up the next day.”
“Awww, that’s so cool,” I said.
“There was only one teeny little thing,” Jasper said. “Dad had NO IDEA!“
Bruno, nodded. “No idea whatsoever! But sis was so happy and excited, she told Dad that they were getting us the very next day. Well, the Meow Mix sort of hit the fan. It was what humans call a ‘Character Building Opportunity’ for Dad.”
At that very moment, their Dad came home from work. He walked in, picked Jasper up, placed him on his shoulder and said, “Hey, how’s my Little J.?”
“Wow!” I said.
“Yep!” said Bruno, “Another convert. Now Dad loves us, ‘specially Jasper. We’re thinking about writing a cat self-help book – ‘How to Change Anyone into a Cat Lover in 30 Days’.”
“Looks like it was meant to be,” I said. “so, whaddya do for fun?”
“This place is one big adventure,” said Jasper. “Mom’s an artist and there’s cool stuff everywhere – paper, beads, feathers, paint, brushes, cloth. Stuff to jump on and knock over and hide in. See?” He wiggled all the way into the Christmas tree on the table and stuck his nose out. “And Mom makes these great monsters, bigger than us but not scary, and we love to nibble on them.
“I also like to lick toes, and I hide around the corner and bop Dad when he walks by. I also ride on Dad’s or Sis’s shoulders. I pretend they’re pirates and I’m the parrot.”
“I don’t go for that snuggly stuff,” said Bruno. “But I’m fascinated by Mom’s rubber hairbands. I get them out of her vanity and throw them in the air and catch them and then pile them up around my food bowl. See?” he pointed.
Behind his paw, Jasper whispered, “Bruno’s a great guy but kind of a schizzo. I think it’s all that catnip.”
I glanced into the kitchen and there must have been a couple dozen hairbands all over the floor near the food bowls. I didn’t say anything.
“We both love to sit in these big comfy chairs by the picture window,” Jasper continued. “Mom got them from the old Patio restaurant and they’re purr-fect. She opens the blinds so we can watch our wide-screen Kitty TV.”
“Do you ever go outside?” I asked.
“No, too dangerous,” said Bruno. “Mom tried leashes once. But that lasted about a nano-second. We didn’t hate them, but I slipped out of mine. Mom freaked and that was the end of that.”
“Whaddya eat?”
“Meow Mix. Plenty of water. No treats,” Said Jasper. “I always take one or two morsels out of the bowl, place them on the floor, and then enjoy them in a leisurely way.
“Mom says I’m a nut! I think that’s because I’m usually zooming around, not always napping like Bruno. He sleeps all day but then, at night, he turns into this crazy cat. Galloping all over the house. Bouncing off stuff. I usually join him. It’s our jungle cat heritage coming out. We turn into ferocious hunters and everybody better just watch out.”
“Well, it’s been so fun meeting you guys!” I said.
“Bye-bye, Mr. Bonzo!” Jasper called. Bruno was already snoozing.
