(ARA) – It’s a scene right out of summer blockbuster “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” The only son is excited to head off to college while Mom and Dad alternate between the thrill of getting away to Paris to celebrate their childless independence and crying over their son’s baby booties. While not many parents are faced with a child destined to save mankind from the attack of an alien species, many can certainly identify with the life changing event that can lead to “empty nest syndrome.”
“Empty Nest Syndrome is a colloquial way of identifying the sense of loss, sadness or emptiness that parents can feel when a child leaves home,” says Dr. Jim Wasner, chair of Clinical Psychology programs at Argosy University, Schaumburg. “It’s that period of transition when a child no longer depends on their parents for a high level of support and care.”
“Unless your feelings of remorse or sadness about your child’s departure begin to interfere with your everyday life or last for more than a few weeks, it’s perfectly normal to experience sadness as you reflect back,” says Dr. Eric Behrman, faculty member at Argosy University, San Diego’s College of Psychology and Behavioral Sciences. “It helps you to manage and cope with a very natural process and part of life.
“For parents whose whole lives have centered on the support and care of their children, this time can be particularly painful,” Wasner says. “The same is true for parents who spent much of their children’s’ lives working and may now be feeling that they missed the window in terms of creating a stronger bond with their kids.”
The key, both experts agree, is to focus less on a perceived sense of loss and to focus more on moving forward. “It’s an opportunity for men and women to focus on the areas of their lives they haven’t had the opportunity to,” says Wasner. “Set out to pursue your creative interests, use your time to volunteer, go back to school to pursue the degree you’ve always wanted, start your own business or pursue those travel opportunities you’ve had to forego in the interest of family.”
“The good news is that we continue to evolve as primary caregivers,” says Dr. Suzanne Forbes-Vierling, vice president of Academic Affairs for Argosy University, San Diego. “The changing role of women, children’s increasing access to information and the changing dynamics of families make this transitional period less catastrophic than it could have been just a few decades ago.”
For many parents, this period can be a strain on – as well as an opportunity for – their relationships.
“You’ve spent your lives focused on your children and are now left as two individuals without that buffer and large part of your identity known as parenting. It’s normal for couples to reevaluate their roles in the marriage at this time,” says Wasner. “It’s a great time to make a concerted effort to reinvest in your relationship, to spend more time together and to get to know each other again without your children in the middle.”
“It’s also an opportunity to form a different kind of relationship with your child and to get to know them as independent adults,” says Behrman. “While that can be difficult for parents, it’s important to form a bond that allows your child the space and room they need to mature and to make their own decisions and mistakes.”
Developing that new bond with your children can be one way to help combat your feelings about them growing up.
