Bonz says teensy Emma and Molly are tons of fun

PHOTO BY KAILA JONES

The Misses Emma an Molly Alexander are an adorable combination of Itty Bitty Size; Colossal Cuteness; and Ji-NOR-muss Energy. Miss Molly is a Maltese and Miss Emma is a Morkiepoo. They are both charming, snowy white extroverts.

As soon as the door opened, they came bouncing up for the Wag (wag, wag, wag)-an-Sniff, wigglin’ like nobuddy’s business, all smiles, bouncy hair an bright eyes, but (unusual in my experience with pooches of the Itty Bitty persuasion) not that barky.

My assistant was all “Oooooooo! They’re SO CUUTE!!,” carefully steppin’ inside as if walkin’ through a field of flowers, in order not to in-ad-VERR-tently smush one of them.

We got settled at the table. (We meaning me an the humans). Molly an Emma remained in motion during the entire innerview.

Something south of 4 pounds, Molly is a chic, cantaloupe-sized fluffball with sparkly black eyes and wavy ears, styled inna bob. Very on-trend.

“First off,” she said, “this is our Mom an Dad, Sandra an Dan. Our other step-sibling, Biscuit, is sleepin’ still. Our human brothers Corey, he’s 16, an Colin, he’s 13, are at school. Me an Emma are gonna be Co-Spokespooches. We read your column Every Week, so we know What To Do.”

“We totally do!” Emma agreed. Emma’s almost 4 in Human; about 12 pounds, with longer legs an that sig-nuh-chure Yorkie haircut.

“Since I’m older, I’ll start. Ready?” she said.

I nodded.

“OK, so, Mom an Dad had another pooch, Joy, a large-size rescue from H.A.L.O. Joy was ‘Gettin’ Up There,’ an slowin’ down. So they decided to get a sister for her. Which was ME. I was Your Basic Playful Puppy an, at first, Joy was like ‘Whoa! Seriously?’ But once she got use to me, we got to be real close an, Mom says, I sorta gave Joy her second wind. We had lotsa fun together, till she hadda go to Dog Heaven. I still miss her. So then …”

“I’M tellin’ this next part!” innerupted Molly. “So THEN, Mom was lookin’ for a fren for Emma an she found ME. I was just a teeny puppy, only 9 or 10 weeks old. I mean, I was only just born last June. Mom could hold me in her hand an still have room for a buh-NAA-nuh. Me an Emma got along right away, Thank Lassie, even though we’re kinda different from each other.”

“True!” interjected Emma. “I am a Tomboy. My liddle sister is a total (sassy) Diva Princess! She does this goofy, scoochy thing with the blankets, tryin’ to dig a cozy liddle nest. PLUS, she sneakily snatches Mom’s shoes an hides ’em in the Shark Bed.”

Before I could say “Whatsa Shark Bed?” she nodded toward a pink, pooch-sized, igloo-shaped container decorated to look like a shark with its mouth open.

“But I just relocate shoes. I don’t chew ’em UP or anything,” retorted Molly. “Anyway, I LOVE car rides, an Emma gets carsick. An she’s scared of that noisy Pool Cleaner Thingy. AN, she’s terrible at Fetch. She only does Part 1, the re-TREEVE. She NEVER does Part 2, the re-TURN. Never! It’s more like Fetch an Catch Me If You Can! An,” she addressed Emma, “what about our Bully Sticks?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Emma replied with wide-eyed innocence.

Their Mom got two Bully Sticks from the cupboard and gave one to each pooch. As soon as Molly grabbed hers, Emma petooied hers an grabbed Molly’s. When Molly started munching on Emma’s petooied Bully Stick, Emma took one look, petooied the one in her mouth, an snatched Molly’s. They repeated the Bully Stick Dance a couple of times.

“I rest my case,” said Molly.

“Humpff!” said Emma. “Can I help it if I have refined tastes?”

With the phrase ‘sibling rivalry’ dancing in my head, I said, “Tell me about your pooch pals, what you do for exercise, the family dynamic, stuff like that.”

Immediately Molly said, “Emma may be wa-ay quieter an calmer, an she gets annoyed with me on occasion, an I might possibly be more verbal an kissy, an feel she is sometimes a liddle, well, boring, but we’re totally each other’s BFFs.”

“Absolutely!” agreed Emma, adding, “I am also a Momma’s Grrrl. I’ll hang with Dad when Mom’s at work. But when Mom gets home it’s All Mom, All the Time. I feel very pruh-TECT-tive of her. Oooo, an LOOK what I can do!”

Their Mom held her hand a liddle bit above Emma’s nose and said, “Uppy Puppy!” Emma stood on her back legs an even twirled a liddle.

“I can do Uppy Puppy all day!” she said, executing several 10-worthy Uppy Puppies in a row. Quite impressive, ackshully.

“Watch me FETCH,” said Molly. She shot off like a fluffly liddle rocket and returned with a blue-an-orange chewy toy clutched firmly in her mouth, whereupon she an her Mom did a fast-an-flawless Fetch series (including returns).

“We greatly enjoy playing with Corey an Colin’s human frens when they come over,” added Emma. “They’re way fun. Very energetic. I also love on-leash beach runnin’, but Molly’s not quite into that yet. Those speedy liddle birds would run right over her an not even notice.”

“I have a Crispy Dog Biscuits bood-WAHR,” said Molly. “Dad calls it a playpen. I can go in it whenever I want. After me an Dad play in the evening, he sets me in it. It’s got a comfy, fluffy bed where I often sleep (when I’m not cuddled up with Emma, snuggled between Mom an Dad).”

I couldn’t buh-LEEVE a whole hour had passed. Headin’ home, I was wonderin’ how much more I probly weighed than Molly an Emma together. I thought maybe I’d forgo my nightly dish of yoghurt.

My duh-licious dish of yoghurt.

Naw.

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