I hope you all had a Crispy Dog Biscuits Christmas with your Forever Famlies, an helped ’em welcome in a Bran New Year. At Last.
My first innerview of 2021 (or 14,147 in Dog), was with a sweet, pretty, femi-nun Goldendoodle named Devon Arndt, who had sent me a Woof-Mail wishing me Merry Christmas and saying she’s frens with my last interviewee, Superman Clarke. Devon’s 5. She has very long legs, very short, curly, snowy white hair, amazing eyes, an fluffy ears.
Umm … so … anyway, when me an my assistant rang the bell, her Mom opened the door and Devon stood at the top of the stairs smilin’ an waggin’.
“Hi! You must be Mr. Bonzo. DO come up. I LOVE your column. You’re even handsomer in the fur than in your pickshur! I’m Devon Arndt and these are my parents: my Mommy, Arlene, an my Daddy, Bob. Have a seat. Can I get you anything? Water? A Greenie?”
Reminding myself that I was a Perfectly Happy Bachelor (an On The Clock), I replied suavely, “Um … I … er. No thank you. I’m good. It’s a real pleasure.”
After the Wag-an-Sniff, Devon trotted over to bestow some welcoming nose bumps on my assistant and poke about a bit in The Satchel. “Well, just get comfy an tell me what all you wanna know.”
I opened my notebook an gripped my pencil. “How you got your Forever Famly; what your life’s like; your favrite food, toys, frens, like that.”
“OK. Well, Mommy an Daddy had already decided they wanted a ‘Teddybear Goldendoodle’ …”
“I’ve heard of a Goldendoodle,” I innerupted, “but what’s the teddybear part?”
“I’m a mixture.” She laughed. “Humans usta call us mixtures ‘Mutts’. Now we’re called ‘Designer Dogs’. Isn’t that huh-LARRY-us? Anyway, Teddybear Goldendoodles are a hi-bread mix of a Poodle anna English Cream Golden Retriever. Not to brag, but we’re super popular cuz we’re not only beautiful, but also gentle, affectionate an get along with pretty much everyone.”
“My breeder was in a whole ’nother state, Al-uh-BAMA, so Daddy watched the puppies online. He was gonna pick one from the litter right before mine, but he didn’t get in the Waiting-For-A-Puppy line soon enough. So he hadda wait for MY litter. He was at the top of the list and from my litter of four grrrls an four boys, he picked me as soon as he saw me on video. (Even as a pupper, I’m pretty much an Alpha, so I was puttin’ my Best Paw Forward.) Woof, I’m glad Daddy was too late for that other litter!”
“It was meant to be!” I said.
“No Woof! I got the BEST Mommy an Daddy. PLUS, my human Sissy Suzanne is my Sorta Mommy. That’s cuz she rode with Mommy an Daddy to pick me up in Alabama. I was a liddle 9-week-old fluffmuffin, an she cuddled me the whole way back.
“The breeder suggested I stay inna crate for a while to get use to everything. So Mommy an Daddy got me one. WELL, I didn’t like that stoo-pid crate one liddle bit! I was determined to NOT stay in it! So I had a FIT. I cried an whined and barked so much Mommy an Daddy got rid of it. Then an there, I decided I was gonna be the Best Buh-haved, Smartest, Frenliest, Lovingest Pooch EVER.”
“Great decision! Whaddya do for fun?”
“Well, I have a toy box that’s totally full. But I mostly root around for my favrite toy bone. I usually carry it with me but I peetooied it out to be polite when you arrived. (Daddy says I look like I have a SEE-gar in my mouth, which I would NEVER do.) I love playin’ outside, an runnin’ around on the beach with those liddle birds. But NOT in the ackshull water. I totally don’t like the pool, either. I gotta have my paws touchin’ the ground, you know?
“I have lotsa human frens. Everybody in Central Beach knows me. They all call hellooo to me, even before they call to Mommy and Daddy. Isn’t that funny? My neighbor Casey is my Bestie. I think. We’re sorta frenemies. Then there’s Daisy, Lexi an, of course, Superman. When we’re up in Charleston for Christmas, I hang out with Pinot an his humans, Chandler an my other sissy, Sherry. My other Bestie is Butter, a Lab. She lives with Suzanne an Otis in Fort Pierce. She shares all her toys with me, which is so Sweet, doncha think? But, truth be told, I prefer her toy bone.
“I can’t wait to jump in the Jeep an go places with Daddy. It’s just Me an Daddy an the wind blowing my ears. I feel so FREEE. We go to the car wash an the dry cleaners, an the humans give me TREATS, even. I also love our neighbors James an Karla. They totally love me, too. They take me for walks an sometimes dog-sit me.
“Then there’s RABBITS!” she continued.
“Yes. In the yard. They’re SO-O FASS-uh-nading. When me anna rabbit spot each other, we instantly freeze. Like STAT-chews. I get into my Retriever Crouch, tummy to the ground. I stealthily scooch closer an closer, like 6 feet, then we stare at each other. Soon as I start to take one more step, POW! That rabbit takes off like a rocket and disappears.”
“Any favrite foodstuffs?”
“YES! ANY-thing an EVERY-thing. But I get regular ol’ kibbles and healthy snacks. It’s boring, but I know it’s BEST. Anyhow, the sweet potato snacks an chiggen crisps are pretty good. An I NEVER eat ANYthing until Mommy or Daddy says it’s OK.”
Woof! did that hour ever go by fast. Heading home I was thinking about Devon’s pretty face an sparkly eyes an long legs an fluffy ears. Then I snapped out of it and started thinkin’ about my evening bowl of yoghurt.