OMG, you pooches! I am SO excited! I innerviewed my first musical theater stars this week, AN saw their show, “Legally Blonde,” over at Riverside! Frankie’s a chihuahua and he plays the part of Bruiser; and Myrtle, a bulldog, plays Rufus. An (THIS is SO Cool Kibbles) they are both Rescues!
I met ’em at Star Suites, a bran new place where the human an animal actors stay when they’re doin’ a Riverside show. Me, my assistant, Frankie, Myrtle an their human sat on snazzy blue couches on the pool patio.
“I’m spokespooch cuz I’m a showbiz veteran,” said Frankie, a happy, good-lookin’ leading-dog. “This is our fren Rochelle Scudder. She’s in the show too, an she takes care of us. This young lady is Myrtle.”
Myrtle was supercute, white and honey-colored coat, short, an silky sweet, smushy face; an this a-DOR-ubble underbite. Did I mention she was really cute?
“A great pleasure,” I said, grinning at Myrtle like a Doof. “I loved your show. Majorly Awesome Dog Biscuits! Maybe you two would do me the honor of signing my notebook.”
“No prob, Bonz,” Frankie said.
“I’d be happy to drool on it,” Myrtle offered. “This is my first innerview! It’s SO Cool Kibbles! Are you gonna take my pickshur? Is my collar on straight? Am I drooling?”
“Relax, Kid! You look pooch-perfect!” Frankie turned to me. “I took her under my wing since we were gonna be co-stars. Gave her a few showbiz tips. Don’t play Minneapolis at Christmas; hold out for the good treats; no pictures till the light’s right.”
He curled up next to my assistant and began their tale.
“We work for a comp-nee called Theatrical Animals. The Human in Charge, Bill Berloni, is our Dad. Mom is Dorothy and Jenna’s our human sis. All us Theatrical Animals live on their big farm in Cuh-neddi-cut. Dad’s an actor an also a Behavior Consultant for the Humane Society of New York. He’s been rescuing pooches for 42 human years an giving ’em a wunnerful life in show business, so everybuddy will see that rescue dogs can be stars. We even had a Discovery Network Reality Show, ‘From Wags to Riches,’ back in 2015. But I digress.
“I’m basically a happy guy, kinda barky, and I’d been left at the Meridian Humane Society. I was hangin’ out, waitin’ for whatever was next (if I ever made it outta there), when Dad spotted me an knew I’d be perfect as Bruiser in the 2010 national l tour of ‘Legally Blonde.’ Seriously? At first, I thought he was nuts.
“At the farm I met dozens of pooch performers. Rescues like me. An my life was changed forever. Home base is Dad’s an Mom’s house on the farm, when we’re not touring. We have our own packs, usually according to which shows we’re doing. An our sizes.
“After we get use to our new home an the other pooches, The Bonding Process starts. We learn to trust Dad and unnerstand he’s In Charge. Then comes the acting classes. We learn to not be distracted by anything when we’re working – like laughin’; clappin’; cellphones; humans unwrapping those liddle coughdrop thingys. An learn to respond the same way every time to what us actors call Qs. Dad treats us with respect an patience. He uses what humans call ‘positive reinforcement.’ That means pats, treats and TLC. The humans we act with also have to learn to give our Qs. Rochelle teaches them for this show. After nine years touring, I hold the record for doing more performances of ‘Legally Blonde’ than any other pooch or human actor.”
“Shut the doghouse door!”
“I KNOW. Cool Kibbles, right? On stage, I’m all Bruiser. Back home, I’m just plain Frankie.”
“When he’s playin’ with other pooches, he does this funny thing,” said Myrtle. “He turns around an gives ’em a big karate kick, I guess to show who the alpha in the room is.”
Frankie rolled his eyes.
“So, can I tell about me?” Myrtle asked.
“Sure, kid. Go for it,” said Frankie.
“Dad rescued me in 2018. After me an my famly moved to New York from Israel, they couldn’t keep me, so they took me to the Humane Society. I was one anna half. I loved meeting Frankie an my other new brothers an sisters, an I love the farm. We run an play an bark an nobody fusses. Dad says I’m perfect to play Rufus, which is a cross-gender part. I just have to explore my inner Dude. ‘Legally Blonde’ is my professional acting debut! I’m so thrilled! An I just wanna give a big Woof Out to all my frens for supporting me!”
“What’s your pre-show routine?”
“Before heading to the theatre, we rest in our fabulous suite, with Rochelle,” Frankie replied. “At the theatre, we have our own dressing room. Rochelle helps us set out costumes an water stations, and pre-set treats. Forty-five minutes before curtain, everybody warms up on stage. I practice my lap jump and do my ‘Bark on Q’ vocal warm-up.”
“I practice my big scene where I run straight across the stage, fast as I can,” said Myrtle. “The audience totally loves me.”
“That they do,” Frankie agreed. “Years ago, I got so excited in my bark scene I toppled right over. But I bounced back up. Didn’t miss a beat. The show must go on!”
“Tell me about the costumes.”
“I’ve got five changes: pink collar; argyle sweater for Harvard; pink parka for Thanksgiving break; tie for the courtroom; pink bow and bedazzled jumpsuit for the finale.”
“He gets the cool outfits,” said Myrtle. “I have a studded collar and a harness. But that’s show biz.”
Heading home, I still had stars in my eyes. I was thinking how cool Theatrical Animals is to use all rescue dogs. It gives those pooches pawsome new lives so they can carry the banner that rescues can do ANYTHING if somebody gives ’em that big break.
Till next time,
The Bonz
