VERO BEACH — On a recent Friday evening, I was promenading down A1A when I noticed a handsome cockapoo and his human.
As I approached the pair, I said, “Hi there, I’m Bonzo, the pet columnist for Vero Beach 32963. Are you guy’s familiar with my column?”
“Hey, Bonzo, I’m Kevin Kemp,” the human said. “And yes, I do read your column every week.”
Kevin turned to his dog buddy, who was totally ignoring us.
“Toby, this is Bonzo,” Kevin said. “He’s the canine who interviews dog buddies on the island.”
“Who cares, Kevin?” Toby replied. “You do realize I’m 13 years old and don’t want to waste my time reading some silly dog column. I’m too busy doing other things. Now let’s quit this boring yip-yap and get back to Cheryl in our condo across the street.”
“But Toby,” I interjected, “I would be honored if I could feature you in my column.”
“Me? You want to feature me?” Toby asked. “Well, I guess I could consider it. OK, I’ll do it right now. Let’s get it over with. What do you want to know, Bonz?”
“Whatever you’d like to share about yourself, Toby,” I said.
“Well, I was born on a farm in rural New Jersey,” Toby began. “Cheryl and Kevin have turned out to be terrific humans. Kevin is the big dog of the family and Cheryl tends to my every need and desire.”
“That’s pawtastic, Toby,” I said. “You mentioned you were very busy. Would you care to yap about that?”
“OK,” Toby said. “I am not a morning dog. I like to keep up on my zzzz. I’ve been known to be the last one out of the sack. When I eventually get out of my comfy bed, I do some doga.”
“Excuse me, Toby,” I said. “I’m not familiar with doga.”
“It’s canine yoga, Bonz,” Toby explained. “You know, stretches like downward dog and puppy pose.”
What the heck is he yapping about?
“When I finish doing doga, I head to my overflowing toy box,” Toby continued. “I select the perfect toy to begin my day. Then its 15 to 20 minutes of my toy workout, which includes shaking, wrestling and running around with my toy, which is mandatory.”
Now that’s something I understand.
“Much of my busy day includes taking strolls, supervising Cheryl and Kevin while they work from home, napping, followed by another required trip to my toy box for a 15- to 20-minute workout with one of my toys.
“At night, I like to take a snooze while Cheryl and Kevin are either reading or watching TV,” Toby said.
“Sounds like a nice time to snuggle on your human’s lap,” I commented.
“Understand this, Bonzo,” Toby said. “I am not a lap dog. I love my humans but I refuse to snuggle on their laps.”
Uh oh. Better wrap this up.
“Well, it was great meeting you Toby,” I said. “Thanks for allowing me to interview you. I think I have enough information to write a pawsome article.”
“This interview better have been worth my time, Bonzo,” Toby concluded.
Geez, I hope so.
Till next time,